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Topic Review (Newest First)
Today 01:41 PM
flight instructions
Today 08:14 AM
Originally Posted by malc View Post
Tolkien is hobbit forming.
That just Mordur's me!

Today 05:52 AM
malc Tolkien is hobbit forming.
Today 01:12 AM
Dave57210 How do you think the unthinkable?
With an Icethberg!
12-22-2014 03:57 PM
malc The Sanity Clause

12-21-2014 05:17 PM
wretched ratchet Tis funny, Chief, when we lived in the Rockies at 10,000 feet there were many times that I would go around a Firebird, Mustang, Camaro or other instant high torque cars with my 3/4 ton 6 cyl PU in granny gear with a load of drywall in the back for traction - - - of course, being a gentleman, I would always wave and smile.
12-21-2014 02:55 PM
malc Im calling this funny.....the car and the fact its on snow.....and moves.....

12-20-2014 02:27 AM
malc OOPS double post.
12-20-2014 02:20 AM
malc Arthur is 85 years of age. He's played golf every day since his retirement 20 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf.

My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't you take

my brother with you, and give it one more try."

"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is ninety two. He can't help."

"He may be ninety two," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball ?"

"Of course I did !", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."

"Where did it go ?" asks Arthur.

"Can't remember."
12-19-2014 11:13 AM
little David

Little David is in the 5th grade.
Yesterday morning when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living, all the typical answers came up: fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

The teacher noticed that little David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so she asked him about his father.

My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and do it with him for money.

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took little David aside to ask him, Is that really true about your father?

No, said David, red faced. He plays for the DALLAS COWBOYS, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.
12-19-2014 07:59 AM
wretched ratchet
HELLO, is anybody home in there ?

Dopey Old Couple Almost Dies After 13 Hours Trapped In Unlocked Mazda*
12-19-2014 12:19 AM
malc Woman gets a quote for mechanical work - prank call

12-18-2014 04:21 PM
wretched ratchet Guilty on 3 counts - - - 'count I gotz kids and grandkids
12-18-2014 04:05 PM

1) You Believe in Father Christmas
2) You Don't Believe in Father Christmas
3) You ARE Father Christmas
4) You look like Father Christmas
12-17-2014 03:02 PM
wretched ratchet A guy, who was not feeling well, went to the hospital to have tests run.

Two days later, he received a call to get to the hospital as fast as he could and NOT to have contact with anyone.

Upon arrival, he was ushered to a room where everyone was in HAZMAT suits......

The lead doctor said, "Sir.....I am sorry to inform you that your tests came back and you are positive for HEADS."

The guy says, "Huh? What the hell is HEADS?

The doc says, "Well, is a mutated virus that combines Herpes, Ebola, AIDS, Diphtheria and Syphilis..."

"Oh, Dear God!" the guy replies, "What can you do?"

The doctor says, "Just stay calm....the first thing we are going to do is get you a room all to yourself. Then, we are going to start you off with a diet of pancakes and pizza....."

The guy says, "Wait! What? Pancakes and pizza? Will that help cure me?"

"Well," says the doctor, "But, it's the only things we can slip under the damn door...."
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