|Yesterday 06:15 PM|
|04-18-2014 11:09 PM|
How to choose...
|04-18-2014 12:45 AM|
What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?
|04-17-2014 06:40 PM|
That is just too funny. Poor Fred.
|04-17-2014 06:08 PM|
dating in the 60`s
Dating in the 1960`s
You need to be able to remember the era to really enjoy this... But even if you’re not old enough, this is funny, anyway!
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1957 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room.
Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"
"Iced tea, please," Fred said.
Mom brought the iced tea.
"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."
"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.
"Uh ... really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.
"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"
"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.
"Yes," said the mother.
"As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"
"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.
She greeted Fred.
"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother.
"The damned dance is called the Twist!" NOT the screw.
|04-17-2014 06:00 PM|
A man calls home to give the wife some bad news.
"Honey it's me. I don't want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital."
"They've checked me over and have done some tests and some x-rays."
"The blow to my head was pretty severe; fortunately, it did not cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they may have to amputate my right foot."
"Who the hell is Paula?
|04-14-2014 02:43 PM|
And they say Wimmin don't like to do washing !
|04-11-2014 06:57 AM|
|04-11-2014 06:31 AM|
With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?"
"No," said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.
He took the crumpled bill from her and smiled approvingly.
She then asked him, "Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up?"
"Uh--no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties, and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.
He took the crumpled fifty and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen $40,000 dollars all crumpled up?"
"No way!" he said, while obviously becoming even more aroused and excited, to which she replied:
"Go look in the garage."
|04-07-2014 08:31 AM|
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.’
The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
However, he wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation,
just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test,
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high
enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A.
|04-06-2014 11:38 PM|
A guy with a gun enters a bar.
"Who the feck had sex with my wife?" he snarled.........
A voice was heard in the background "You don't have enough bullets mate!"
|04-03-2014 09:41 PM|
|04-03-2014 09:12 PM|
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll
ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..
‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.
‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.
Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.
|04-03-2014 02:27 PM|
|04-03-2014 11:01 AM|
Stick with it to the end....
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