Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board - Reply to Topic
Hotrodders.com -- Hot Rod Forum



Register FAQ Search Today's Posts Unanswered Posts Auto Escrow Insurance Auto Loans
Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board > General Discussion> Hotrodders' Lounge> Off-Topic> Daily funny--- Revisited
User Name
Password
lost password?   |   register now

Thread: Daily funny--- Revisited Reply to Thread
Title:
  
Message:
Trackback:
Send Trackbacks to (Separate multiple URLs with spaces) :

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Hot Rod Forum : Hotrodders Bulletin Board forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name (usually not your first and last name), your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:
Insurance
Please select your insurance company (Optional)

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Additional Options
Miscellaneous Options

Topic Review (Newest First)
Today 02:22 AM
Eagle Eye
"Drive, George, drive this ones got a coat hanger!"... How funny!

Today 02:05 AM
Eagle Eye
Quote:
Originally Posted by schnitz View Post
I got this as an email from my father-in-law...



----- The Night Watchman

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrapyard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night."So they created a
night watchman position and hired a person at $18,000 a year for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without
instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two
people, one person to write the instructions for $22,000, and one person
to do time studies for an additional $22,000 per year.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the
tasks correctly? So they created a Quality Control department and hired
two people. One to do the studies for $31,000 and one to write the
reports for an additional $31,000 per year.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they
created the following positions, a time keeper for $35,000 annual
salary, and a payroll officer for an additional $35,000, then hired two
people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"
So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an
Administrative Officer at $155,000 per year, Assistant Administrative
Officer $125,000, and a Legal Secretary for an additional $100,000 per year.

Then Congress said, "We have had this operating for one year with a
budget cost of $574,000.00 and we are $18,000 over budget. We must
cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.



In a while, Chet.

This actually is happening in so many areas... crazy but true!
Yesterday 11:01 PM
Dave57210
Today

Today I was offered sex by a beautiful 18 year-old girl

Now I'm not gonna lie - this chick was smoking hot!

In exchange for the sex I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her.

Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents......
Yesterday 11:43 AM
waynep712
Quote:
Originally Posted by rossco View Post
A blonde was selling her pet python on E-Bay.
A guy calls up and asks "Is it big."
"It's massive " replies the blonde.
"How many feet?"
"None...Geeez...It's a f....en snake"
a friend had a 14 foot long python.. it had escaped its enclosure.. taken control of the bathroom.. and would not let him or anybody in..

this was the end.. he called animal control. told them the situation the operator said they would send somebody out with a pillow case to collect it..

pillow case... lady this is an angry 14 foot long python.. what are they going to do with a pillow case. put it over its head so it can't see them coming.
Yesterday 11:22 AM
evolvo Funny Or Die Presents Donald Trump's The Art Of The Deal: The Movie from Owen Burke, Fu...
02-01-2016 04:26 PM
Irelands child
Quote:
Originally Posted by ogre View Post
you've never had teenagers, i know THAT look all to well
Ohhhhhh Yes I have - 3 girls and a boy and we all survived with them all suffering teenagers of their own (currently 10 of those).
02-01-2016 03:30 PM
whinny
Quote:
Originally Posted by ogre View Post
you've never had teenagers, i know THAT look all to well
Lmao, that is soooo true.

Later gator
Russ
02-01-2016 03:27 PM
ogre you've never had teenagers, i know THAT look all to well
02-01-2016 03:07 PM
Irelands child President Barack Obama and his family seem to have $15 million post-vacation blues as they stop off of Marine One at the White House:

01-24-2016 03:58 PM
rossco One of the city's top cardiac specialists died.
At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica or a heart, made of red roses.
When the pastor finished the sermon and everyone had said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed up again.

It was a majestic tribute to the much love cardiologist.

Suddenly one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.

Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "why are you laughing?"

"I'm sorry....but I was just thinking about my own funeral.....I'm a gynecologist"
01-22-2016 12:20 AM
evolvo The Donald T Rump way!
01-14-2016 11:44 PM
rossco A man was sitting quietly reading his newspaper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
‘What was that for?’ he asked.
‘That was for the piece of paper in your jeans pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,’ she replied.
‘Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on, I bought you those flowers with the winnings, ‘ he explained.
‘Oh darling, I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I should have known there was a good explanation.’
Three days later he was watching TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with a frying pan, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, ‘What was that for?’
‘Your horse just phoned’
01-14-2016 11:40 PM
rossco A blonde was selling her pet python on E-Bay.
A guy calls up and asks "Is it big."
"It's massive " replies the blonde.
"How many feet?"
"None...Geeez...It's a f....en snake"
01-12-2016 10:09 AM
boothboy Irelands child's last post reminded me of the time my Buddy and I were just about ready to depart Sky Harbor Airport in AZ. A voice from a Southwest
aircraft contacted Ground and asked for a shove back from the terminal. The Ground Controller said "I've been waiting all night to say this, Shove it!" My buddy keyed his mike and asked " Did you just tell him to Stick it?" Ground responded, "No. I told him to Shove It!"

BB
01-12-2016 07:06 AM
Irelands child Then there is this for some of you travelers. A few have been around a while, but still worth a look. Coffee drinkers - hold off as keyboards don't like wet:

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
________________________________________

Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
________________________________________

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f....ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f....ing stupid!"
________________________________________

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."
________________________________________

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked,"What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
________________________________________

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose TowerNoted:
"American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
________________________________________
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):"Because you lost the bloody war!"
________________________________________
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... We've already notified our caterers."
________________________________________

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said:
"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger:
"I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
________________________________________

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird
206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."
________________________________________

While taxiing at London 's Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft.Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727..
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
This thread has more than 15 replies. Click here to review the whole thread.

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:57 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
Copyright Hotrodders.com 1999 - 2012. All Rights Reserved.