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Topic Review (Newest First)
Today 12:37 AM
dinger A Boy from Arkansas

A young Arkie goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend, he calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him over here with $1,000" the young Arkie says "and I'll get him in the course."

So, his Father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his Father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his Father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. The Arkie and his girlfriend are able to buy enough marijuana to last the whole semester. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his Father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. Even though he was always pretty much able to lie
his way out of trouble, the Arkie asked his girlfriend to help him think of a really good lie to tell his Dad.

She very quickly came up with a plan for him. She has him shoot the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his Father is all excited.

"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".

"Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your Daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"

The Father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying damn dog before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid married his girlfriend, they both went on to law school in Fayetteville, he became Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States, and you already know what a lying ***** his girlfriend turned out to be!
11-28-2015 04:35 PM
11-28-2015 02:50 PM
wretched ratchet Oops wrong thread
11-27-2015 03:48 PM
ogre religion flies you into buildings, science flies you to the moon
11-27-2015 06:51 AM
malc Atheism is a non-Prophet organization...
11-26-2015 06:09 PM
whinny Very clever,lol

Later gator
11-26-2015 12:00 PM
evolvo Stinky string
11-26-2015 09:47 AM
TucsonJay I thought it called floss?
11-26-2015 01:43 AM
whinny Lol. I just clicked, a thong up yonder is a g string???????

Later gator
11-25-2015 04:46 PM
wretched ratchet Don't get me started
11-25-2015 03:04 PM
Originally Posted by ogre View Post
i hope whinny is talking about flip flops for his FEET

we're headed to seattle for the 4 day thanksgiving holiday
i have all my junk and all the gifts in my little carry-on that actually fits in the carry-on checker at the counter
my wife has a bag that is twice the size... go figure
See, I actually thought about that word, we call them jandals down here, but I thought you guy's up top there wouldn't know what a Jandal was. So I used the Australian term thong, hoping you guys would understand better. But it just confused things,lol.

Later gator
11-25-2015 02:33 PM
Originally Posted by whinny View Post
some thongs
i hope whinny is talking about flip flops for his FEET

we're headed to seattle for the 4 day thanksgiving holiday
i have all my junk and all the gifts in my little carry-on that actually fits in the carry-on checker at the counter
my wife has a bag that is twice the size... go figure
11-24-2015 04:08 PM
whinny Ain't that the truth about clothes, if we are going away for a week, it always amazes me the difference between me and my wife. I put 7 shirts, 7 pairs ( why call them pairs when there's only 1) underpants, 2 pairs of socks, in case we go somewhere flash.a pair of good shoes( brothel creepers) some thongs,and my toiletries. This all fits in an overnight bag, bout 750mm long by 400mm high and wide.
My wife has a bag like mine just for her makeup and toiletries. Then 2 medium to large suitcases. Then a medium sizes handbag full of god knows what else. I take 5 mins to pack, she starts the day before we go away. I can't get my head around it.!!

Later gator
11-24-2015 02:02 PM

kids do listen at times. here is an example:

a little boy sitting on the toilet because he has diarrhea tells his mom he needs viagra.

she replies "Why on earth would you need that ?"

he says "isnt that what you give Dad when his crap wont get hard ????"
11-24-2015 11:44 AM
Originally Posted by Irelands child View Post
Since the holidays are about here, it might be time for this reminder:

Men Are Just Happier People -- and why???


A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
If a man blows a B Flat out of his butt, his buddies gag a little and say "Good one!!"

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