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Topic Review (Newest First)
Yesterday 08:48 AM
boothboy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave57210 View Post
Today I was offered sex by a beautiful 18 year-old girl

Now I'm not gonna lie - this chick was smoking hot!

In exchange for the sex I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her.

Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents......
Use Ajax, (bum bum) The foaming cleanser (Ba baba bum bum) Floats the dirt right down the drain!

She stopped by.

BB
Yesterday 02:22 AM
Eagle Eye
"Drive, George, drive this ones got a coat hanger!"... How funny!

Yesterday 02:05 AM
Eagle Eye
Quote:
Originally Posted by schnitz View Post
I got this as an email from my father-in-law...



----- The Night Watchman

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrapyard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night."So they created a
night watchman position and hired a person at $18,000 a year for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without
instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two
people, one person to write the instructions for $22,000, and one person
to do time studies for an additional $22,000 per year.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the
tasks correctly? So they created a Quality Control department and hired
two people. One to do the studies for $31,000 and one to write the
reports for an additional $31,000 per year.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they
created the following positions, a time keeper for $35,000 annual
salary, and a payroll officer for an additional $35,000, then hired two
people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"
So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an
Administrative Officer at $155,000 per year, Assistant Administrative
Officer $125,000, and a Legal Secretary for an additional $100,000 per year.

Then Congress said, "We have had this operating for one year with a
budget cost of $574,000.00 and we are $18,000 over budget. We must
cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.



In a while, Chet.

This actually is happening in so many areas... crazy but true!
02-12-2016 11:01 PM
Dave57210
Today

Today I was offered sex by a beautiful 18 year-old girl

Now I'm not gonna lie - this chick was smoking hot!

In exchange for the sex I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her.

Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents......
02-12-2016 11:43 AM
waynep712
Quote:
Originally Posted by rossco View Post
A blonde was selling her pet python on E-Bay.
A guy calls up and asks "Is it big."
"It's massive " replies the blonde.
"How many feet?"
"None...Geeez...It's a f....en snake"
a friend had a 14 foot long python.. it had escaped its enclosure.. taken control of the bathroom.. and would not let him or anybody in..

this was the end.. he called animal control. told them the situation the operator said they would send somebody out with a pillow case to collect it..

pillow case... lady this is an angry 14 foot long python.. what are they going to do with a pillow case. put it over its head so it can't see them coming.
02-12-2016 11:22 AM
evolvo Funny Or Die Presents Donald Trump's The Art Of The Deal: The Movie from Owen Burke, Fu...
02-01-2016 04:26 PM
Irelands child
Quote:
Originally Posted by ogre View Post
you've never had teenagers, i know THAT look all to well
Ohhhhhh Yes I have - 3 girls and a boy and we all survived with them all suffering teenagers of their own (currently 10 of those).
02-01-2016 03:30 PM
whinny
Quote:
Originally Posted by ogre View Post
you've never had teenagers, i know THAT look all to well
Lmao, that is soooo true.

Later gator
Russ
02-01-2016 03:27 PM
ogre you've never had teenagers, i know THAT look all to well
02-01-2016 03:07 PM
Irelands child President Barack Obama and his family seem to have $15 million post-vacation blues as they stop off of Marine One at the White House:

01-24-2016 03:58 PM
rossco One of the city's top cardiac specialists died.
At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica or a heart, made of red roses.
When the pastor finished the sermon and everyone had said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed up again.

It was a majestic tribute to the much love cardiologist.

Suddenly one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.

Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "why are you laughing?"

"I'm sorry....but I was just thinking about my own funeral.....I'm a gynecologist"
01-22-2016 12:20 AM
evolvo The Donald T Rump way!
01-14-2016 11:44 PM
rossco A man was sitting quietly reading his newspaper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
‘What was that for?’ he asked.
‘That was for the piece of paper in your jeans pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,’ she replied.
‘Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on, I bought you those flowers with the winnings, ‘ he explained.
‘Oh darling, I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I should have known there was a good explanation.’
Three days later he was watching TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with a frying pan, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, ‘What was that for?’
‘Your horse just phoned’
01-14-2016 11:40 PM
rossco A blonde was selling her pet python on E-Bay.
A guy calls up and asks "Is it big."
"It's massive " replies the blonde.
"How many feet?"
"None...Geeez...It's a f....en snake"
01-12-2016 10:09 AM
boothboy Irelands child's last post reminded me of the time my Buddy and I were just about ready to depart Sky Harbor Airport in AZ. A voice from a Southwest
aircraft contacted Ground and asked for a shove back from the terminal. The Ground Controller said "I've been waiting all night to say this, Shove it!" My buddy keyed his mike and asked " Did you just tell him to Stick it?" Ground responded, "No. I told him to Shove It!"

BB
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