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Topic Review (Newest First)
Today 08:22 AM
Originally Posted by wretched ratchet View Post
"What can a Lion do?"
"Pretty much any damned thing he wants to!"
When you see one up against something you realise how big those lions are....
Today 12:12 AM
You don't know Jack Schitt!

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!"

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Miss O. Needeep They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married her cousin Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chick N. Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.
Yesterday 04:53 PM
wretched ratchet "What can a Lion do?"
"Pretty much any damned thing he wants to!"
Yesterday 03:51 PM
Originally Posted by malc View Post
Explain that to your insurance guy!

Yesterday 02:52 PM
11-21-2014 05:32 PM
Originally Posted by whinny View Post
My late mums fave American was dean martin, I grew up with him on the record player.
I found this hilarious clip, very very funny, ya eyes will water!

Later gator
Ah crap! I remember seeing that on tv!

11-21-2014 05:14 PM
whinny My late mums fave American was dean martin, I grew up with him on the record player.
I found this hilarious clip, very very funny, ya eyes will water!

Later gator
11-20-2014 06:16 PM
9 thoughts to ponder

Nine Thoughts to Ponder

Number 9. Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

Number 8. Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6. Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

Number 5. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

Number 3. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 1. Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your *** tomorrow.

And as someone recently said to me: Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.
11-20-2014 01:45 PM
Originally Posted by malc View Post
And he's married to a girl from nz, pam Stevenson.
He is bloody funny though
11-19-2014 03:34 PM
11-19-2014 03:17 PM
11-19-2014 02:48 PM
wretched ratchet I never was in the Military but from what my Dad said, that must look like induction day at the Army Base.
11-19-2014 12:58 PM
Irelands child When you pull up the link, click on the clock:
11-17-2014 08:24 AM
a comparison

how are a gynecologist and a pizza delivery man alike ?

they both get to smell it but cannot eat it......................
11-17-2014 08:18 AM
the female dentist

A man goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted.

She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthetic shot.
"No way, no needles! I hate needles!" the man

So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank and the man
said, "I can't do the gas thing. Just the thought
of having a mask on my face suffocates me!

The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections
to taking a pill.

"No," he says, "I'm fine with pills.
The dentist gave him two little blue pills and he swallowed

"What are those?" he asked.

"Viagra," she replied
"I'll be damned," said the patient, "I
didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer."

"It doesn't," said the dentist, "But it
will give you something to hold on to when I pull your
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