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Topic Review (Newest First)
12-22-2014 03:57 PM
malc The Sanity Clause

12-21-2014 05:17 PM
wretched ratchet Tis funny, Chief, when we lived in the Rockies at 10,000 feet there were many times that I would go around a Firebird, Mustang, Camaro or other instant high torque cars with my 3/4 ton 6 cyl PU in granny gear with a load of drywall in the back for traction - - - of course, being a gentleman, I would always wave and smile.
12-21-2014 02:55 PM
malc I´m calling this funny.....the car and the fact it´s on snow.....and moves.....

12-20-2014 02:27 AM
malc OOPS double post.
12-20-2014 02:20 AM
malc Arthur is 85 years of age. He's played golf every day since his retirement 20 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf.

My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't you take

my brother with you, and give it one more try."

"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is ninety two. He can't help."

"He may be ninety two," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball ?"

"Of course I did !", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."

"Where did it go ?" asks Arthur.

"Can't remember."
12-19-2014 11:13 AM
little David

Little David is in the 5th grade.
Yesterday morning when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living, all the typical answers came up: fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

The teacher noticed that little David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so she asked him about his father.

My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and do it with him for money.

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took little David aside to ask him, Is that really true about your father?

No, said David, red faced. He plays for the DALLAS COWBOYS, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.
12-19-2014 07:59 AM
wretched ratchet
HELLO, is anybody home in there ?

Dopey Old Couple Almost Dies After 13 Hours Trapped In Unlocked Mazda*
12-19-2014 12:19 AM
malc Woman gets a quote for mechanical work - prank call

12-18-2014 04:21 PM
wretched ratchet Guilty on 3 counts - - - 'count I gotz kids and grandkids
12-18-2014 04:05 PM

1) You Believe in Father Christmas
2) You Don't Believe in Father Christmas
3) You ARE Father Christmas
4) You look like Father Christmas
12-17-2014 03:02 PM
wretched ratchet A guy, who was not feeling well, went to the hospital to have tests run.

Two days later, he received a call to get to the hospital as fast as he could and NOT to have contact with anyone.

Upon arrival, he was ushered to a room where everyone was in HAZMAT suits......

The lead doctor said, "Sir.....I am sorry to inform you that your tests came back and you are positive for HEADS."

The guy says, "Huh? What the hell is HEADS?

The doc says, "Well, is a mutated virus that combines Herpes, Ebola, AIDS, Diphtheria and Syphilis..."

"Oh, Dear God!" the guy replies, "What can you do?"

The doctor says, "Just stay calm....the first thing we are going to do is get you a room all to yourself. Then, we are going to start you off with a diet of pancakes and pizza....."

The guy says, "Wait! What? Pancakes and pizza? Will that help cure me?"

"Well," says the doctor, "But, it's the only things we can slip under the damn door...."
12-17-2014 09:56 AM
wretched ratchet
12-17-2014 09:08 AM
more money..............

Sam walks into his boss’s office. “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have three different companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.”

After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.

“By the way”, asks the boss as Sam is getting up, “which three companies are after you?”

“The electric company, water company, and phone company”, Sam replied
12-17-2014 08:55 AM
the screw.............

Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a belly button. In its place was a silver screw. All the doctors told his mother that there was nothing they could do.

Like it or not, he was stuck with it . . . He was screwed.

All the years of growing up were real tough on him, as all who saw the screw made fun of him. He avoided leaving his house . . . And thus, never made any friends.

One day, a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him of a monk in Tibet who could get rid of the screw for him. He was thrilled. The next day, he took all of his life's savings and bought a ticket to Nepal

After several days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a giant monastery. The monk knew exactly why he had come. The screwy guy was told to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the following day when he awoke, the screw would have been removed. The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep.

During the night while he slept, a purple fog floated in an open window. In the mist floated a solid silver screwdriver. In just moments, the screwdriver removed the screw and disappeared out the window.

The next morning when the man awoke, he saw the silver screw laying on the pillow next to him. Reaching down, he felt his navel, and there was no screw there! Jubilant, he leaped out of bed . . . . And his *** fell off.

The moral to this is:

'Don't screw around with things you don't understand -- You could lose your ***!'
12-16-2014 04:15 PM
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