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Topic Review (Newest First)
Today 09:31 AM
dinger Ole knows everybody. Ole was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone der is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Ole how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I ver old friends, and I can prove it."

Ole and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Ole! Great to see you!

You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Ole's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Ole that he thinks Ole's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyvon else," Ole says. ''President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.

"Ya sure," Ole says, "I know him. "We’ll fly out to Washington to see him."

Off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Ole on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Ole, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

The boss is shaken now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Ole, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Ole. "I've known the Pope a long time."

The unconvinced boss flies them off to Rome. Ole and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Ole says; "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Fifteen minutes later Ole emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

By the time Ole returns, his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss's side, Ole asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked,

'Who's that on the balcony with Ole?'
07-03-2015 03:08 PM
Irelands child
Quote:
Originally Posted by malc View Post
"Most weeks seem to go by so quickly.
I have come to the conclusion that life works like the fuel gauge in a car, you start with a full tank and it is ages before the needle even moves.
It steadily moves along to half way, then in the blink of an eye the warning light is on."

I couldn't resist stealing that, a good analogy.

...and in the same tone, this is for the oldies but good folks here. You youngun' can watch "In The Land That Made Me, Me" to and get an idea of where we came from as well.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/J55S38xwxnQ?rel=0

Dave W
07-03-2015 02:54 PM
malc "Most weeks seem to go by so quickly.
I have come to the conclusion that life works like the fuel gauge in a car, you start with a full tank and it is ages before the needle even moves.
It steadily moves along to half way, then in the blink of an eye the warning light is on."

I couldīnt resist stealing that, a good analogy.
07-03-2015 10:46 AM
malc
Quote:
Originally Posted by wretched ratchet View Post
Being chased by the Railroad Workers, a beautiful Lady headed for the Roundhouse thinking surely she couldn't be cornered there.
Blonde ?
07-03-2015 09:24 AM
evolvo Two meaningful oxymoron's:

Giant Shrimp

Scotch Bright (Brite)
07-03-2015 07:18 AM
boothboy The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Groucho Marx

BB
07-03-2015 06:37 AM
wretched ratchet Being chased by the Railroad Workers, a beautiful Lady headed for the Roundhouse thinking surely she couldn't be cornered there.
07-03-2015 01:44 AM
malc Sirloin itīs been good to gnaw you......
07-02-2015 09:41 PM
boothboy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave57210 View Post
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I have never met herbivore


BB
07-02-2015 09:33 AM
wretched ratchet
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave57210 View Post
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I have never met herbivore
07-02-2015 03:46 AM
malc Seems like Mr. Tour de France gets pissed off when overtaken
by a lesser machine.
In his bid to get in front he forgets traffic behind.
Instant Karma.

07-01-2015 10:53 PM
Dave57210 This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I have never met herbivore
06-30-2015 12:56 PM
malc Subj.: Marijuana and Marriage

For those who haven't heard, Washington State recently passed two laws.
They legalized gay marriage and legalized marijuana. The fact that gay marriage and marijuana
were legalized on the same day makes perfect Biblical sense.
Leviticus 20:13 says: "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned"
Apparently we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!
06-28-2015 01:33 PM
wretched ratchet
Racial Profiling ?

I was standing at the bar of Terminal 3 International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.

I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu ?"

He says "No, why the "bleep" you ask me that?
Is it because I am Chinese?"


"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little $@%#."
06-24-2015 03:33 PM
whinny I like it,lol
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