|Today 04:30 PM|
Picture the scene: A humongous earthquake has just leveled an entire city.
The politicians go on TV and talk about the tremendous opportunity for urban redevelopment!
|Today 02:28 PM|
|Today 02:24 PM|
Two 80 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved soccer all our lives, and we played soccer on Sundays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's soccer there."
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you."
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike."
"Who is it?" asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike--it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice.
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe.. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first ," says Mike.
"The good news," Joe says," is that there's soccer in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play soccer all we want, and we never get tired."
That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?
"You're in the team for this Saturday."
|Today 01:43 PM|
Fresh sausages anyone ?
|Today 09:10 AM|
WHY SENIORS STILL NEED NEWSPAPERS
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century" she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here… use my new iPad."
I can tell you this…. that bloody fly never knew what hit him...
|Yesterday 11:47 PM|
This is a true story and exceptionally well written...
Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California , was doing some personal work on her own family tree.. She discovered that Senator Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.
The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows in Montana territory:
On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: 'Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885,
escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times.. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.'
So Judy recently e-mailed Senator Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle.
Believe it or not, Harry Reid's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:
"Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad.
Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."
|Yesterday 08:22 AM|
|Yesterday 12:12 AM|
You don't know Jack Schitt!
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!"
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Miss O. Needeep They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married her cousin Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chick N. Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.
|11-25-2014 04:53 PM|
"What can a Lion do?"
"Pretty much any damned thing he wants to!"
|11-25-2014 03:51 PM|
|11-25-2014 02:52 PM|
|11-21-2014 05:32 PM|
|11-21-2014 05:14 PM|
My late mums fave American was dean martin, I grew up with him on the record player.
I found this hilarious clip, very very funny, ya eyes will water!
|11-20-2014 06:16 PM|
9 thoughts to ponder
Nine Thoughts to Ponder
Number 9. Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
Number 8. Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 7. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 6. Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
Number 5. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Number 4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
Number 3. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 2. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 1. Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your *** tomorrow.
And as someone recently said to me: Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.
|11-20-2014 01:45 PM|
He is bloody funny though
|This thread has more than 15 replies. Click here to review the whole thread.|