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Topic Review (Newest First)
02-23-2017 02:11 PM
Irelands child And now for some news.............

02-10-2017 06:03 AM
malc Recently out having a few Beers with the Lads...

One chap says "My girlfriend hasn't spoken to me for six weeks..."

"She's a keeper !" said another, "Women like that are very rare."
02-09-2017 02:04 PM
itchyWillys
Quote:
Originally Posted by whinny View Post
Hey bb, this actually happened to me about 40 years ago while shifting house to another area. Rental truck about the same size as your pic. Short cut under a bridge, bang, lost some furniture.
Lesson learnt. I never gave it a thought when it happened.

Later gator
Russ
When I was a kid my dad and his buddies were drinking beer and moving a neighbor. She gave my mom her piano so the drunks loaded it in the back of a pickup-no straps, next door neighbor sitting at it playing away. One sharp left turn into the driveway and the piano flies out but my neighbor is still sitting there singing and playing a missing piano. (The guy was a little Irish imp. He was always funny and played bball for Holy Cross , the college Bob cousy went to!) Surprisingly the piano survived and just needed a ggod tune which it already needed anyway.
01-26-2017 02:33 PM
7nomad8 My apologies to all, as I screwed up the prayer by leaving the first half out.
So, to rectify that, I'm sending the whole thing over.


The TV is my shepherd,I shall not want.
It makes me lie down on the sofa.
It leads me away from the scriptures,
it damages my soul.
It leads me on the path of sex and violence,
for the sponsors sake.
Yea, tho' I walk in the shadow of my Christian responsibilities,
there will be no interruption. For the TV is with me.
Its cable and remote control, they comfort me.
It prepares a comercial before me,
in the presance of my worldliness.
It anoints my head with Humanism, my coveting runneth over.
Surely laziness and ignorance shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in my house watching TV forever.

Amen

Auther unknown
01-26-2017 10:54 AM
7nomad8 My TV is with me. Its cable and remote control, they comfort me.
It prepares a comercial before me in the presance of my worldliness.
It anoints my head withHumanism, my coveting runneth over.
Surely laziness and ignorance shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in my house watching TV forever. Amen

Auther unknown
01-25-2017 07:20 PM
whinny Hey bb, this actually happened to me about 40 years ago while shifting house to another area. Rental truck about the same size as your pic. Short cut under a bridge, bang, lost some furniture.
Lesson learnt. I never gave it a thought when it happened.

Later gator
Russ
01-25-2017 09:50 AM
boothboy Yep.

BB
01-23-2017 07:05 PM
7nomad8 THE PENIS POEM by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,

My pilot light is out.

What used to be my sex appeal,

Is now my water spout.

Time was, when on its own accord.

From my trousers it would spring.

But now I've got a full time job,

To find the friggin' thing.

It used to be embarrassing,

The way it would behave.

For every single morning,

It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches,

It sure gives me the blues.

To see it hang its little head,

And watch me tie my shoes.
01-20-2017 11:14 PM
7nomad8 The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was
married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam,
Earnest T. Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all
single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
12-21-2016 08:30 AM
boothboy A BLONDE & HER WAITRESS

PreviousNext
Q: What did the blonde customer say after reading the buxom waitress's name tag?
A: "What did you name the other one?"

BB
12-21-2016 08:22 AM
itchyWillys When we were kids my cousin and I met an honest to goodness Penobscot working in the General Store while camping in Maine. We asked him what the weather would be and for three days he was right on the money. The fourth day we asked he said, "I don't know, didn't read the newspaper this morning."

Our faith in Indian nature lore was crushed.
12-21-2016 08:16 AM
itchyWillys stay away from the creme filled ones!
12-21-2016 08:00 AM
Irelands child If you are over 60, especially, you were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways. I recall my mom, mostly, saying many of these to me :

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why ."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." (In my case it was all those starving children in India, etc., don't have enough to eat so you had better eat your green/lima beans).

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"

18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
12-20-2016 10:40 AM
Irelands child This is just outright funny. I don't care who you voted for but the stupidity of some of the 'elite' is unreal.

12-11-2016 10:20 AM
boothboy I've been looking for this place all my life!!

BB
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