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  #166 (permalink)  
Old 11-20-2012, 04:38 AM
wretched ratchet's Avatar
one full turn after it squeeks
 
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"Windage and elevation, Mrs. Langdon; windage and elevation." - - - John Wayne as Col. John Henry Thomas in "Undefeated"

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  #167 (permalink)  
Old 11-20-2012, 06:11 AM
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Here area few paraprosdokians

PARAPROSDOKIANS... (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.
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  #168 (permalink)  
Old 12-03-2012, 09:05 AM
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"I wanted to send you something beautiful, funny & sexy, but the Postman told me to take the stamp off my butt & get out of the post box..."
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  #169 (permalink)  
Old 12-10-2012, 08:18 AM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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"Does it ever bother you that, even tho Car Tune and Cartoon is spelled different, it is pronounced exactly the same?" - - - author Moi
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  #170 (permalink)  
Old 12-19-2012, 09:33 AM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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"I can't wait to be lectured about gun control by an Administration that provided guns to the Mexican Drug Cartel !" - - my Cousin
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  #171 (permalink)  
Old 01-14-2013, 07:22 AM
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"I'm not stupid....


I just have bad luck when it comes to thinking".
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  #172 (permalink)  
Old 01-20-2013, 05:18 AM
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"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone.

It's not.

The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone".

~ Robin Williams
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  #173 (permalink)  
Old 01-20-2013, 06:15 AM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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Sometimes I forget about this thread so thanks for posting !

"If Heaven ain't a lot like Texas, then I don't wanna go !" - - Hank "Bocephus" Williams, Jr.
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  #174 (permalink)  
Old 01-20-2013, 07:03 AM
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The mind is like a river. The deeper it runs the quieter it becomes.

Unknown

Lee
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  #175 (permalink)  
Old 01-23-2013, 03:00 AM
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"I think I'm gonna take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it."
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  #176 (permalink)  
Old 01-23-2013, 07:38 AM
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“Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill you.” — Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
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  #177 (permalink)  
Old 01-28-2013, 09:33 AM
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clean sex quotes

First of ten
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  #178 (permalink)  
Old 01-28-2013, 09:44 AM
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clean sex quotes 2

second set of 10
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  #179 (permalink)  
Old 01-28-2013, 09:48 AM
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clean sex quotes 3

grand finale
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  #180 (permalink)  
Old 01-28-2013, 11:59 AM
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one full turn after it squeeks
 
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everyone a "Classic" pal
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