[Superdave]

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted boat
part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and
hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say,
"Ouch...."

Full text: http://www.ls1tech.com/forums/showthread.php?p=3808261

[JPhil]

TORCH: Makes metal really heavy so you drop it really quick when trying to pick it up. Also useful to remove fingerprints and install ventilation openings in gloves and clothing.