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Old 01-28-2003, 06:49 AM
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Post Should I change my oil?

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since last oil
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained

Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00.


Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter,
kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full, so instead of taking it
back to auto store to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. Jack car up.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug. (making mental note: buy new drain plug because
corners rounded off on old one)
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: Get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke old oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Have a Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 19.
20) Dump hot oil in hole in back yard.
21) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
22) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
23) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
24) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
25) Remember drain plug from step 11.
26) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
27) Discover that the used oil is now buried in hole in the back yard,
along with drain plug.
28) Drink beer.
29) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
30) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on garage floor.
31) Drink beer.
32) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug (remember mental note) and bang
knuckles on frame.
33) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 32.
34) Begin cussing fit.
35) Throw wrench.
36) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
(1992) in the left boob.
37) Beer.
38) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
39) Beer.
40) Beer.
41) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
42) Beer.
43) Lower car from jack stands.
44) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
45) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
step 24.
46) Beer.
47) Test drive car.
48) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
49) Car gets impounded.
50) Make bail.
51) Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $50.00
Beer $25.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Total-- $4150.00

But, BY GOD, you know the job was done right!

I know I'm not to suppose to post this here but I couldn't resist!!

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Old 01-29-2003, 04:18 AM
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I needed this today
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Old 01-29-2003, 07:28 AM
Dave E Shank's Avatar
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HEY 48: Changed oil in mini van in front of garage door. Drained oil, took off filter, threw it away, discovered I had bought wrong replacement filter. Couldn't get any cars out to go and get correct filter. I had to wait till wifie got home in new Buick late in day, about two inches of snow latter. All of the sudden changing oil laying out in drive way in Janurary was not fun any mooooore!!! Don't tell anybody I did that.
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