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Old 07-20-2006, 03:47 PM
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Stress of being on your own & in love.

I need to vent a little bit.

Over the past couple of months, me (19) and my girlfriend (21) have been living together in a large house (which a lot of other people live in.)

She has a part time job, she works at a Deli in town and I work for myself on eBay selling used motorcycle parts, which sounds really lame, but the pay is good if I work my butt off.

I pay for rent, gas, parts for our 97 accord, my loan, insurance, gym membership and such as well as expensive necessities that I feel are not really required, but I buy them in the best interest of my lovely girlfriend which has never lived without a place to stay before and has no intentions of doing so.

I have sold my beloved 1992 Suzuki GSXR-750 to get us a place to stay as-well-as a 1991 Mitsubishi Eclipse, which I fixed and then resold.

To sum it up, my financial responsibility with our relationship is around 75% since her Deli job doesn't pay for squat. They cut her hours more and more while hiring idiots to work with her.

Now, when I met her, she had a huge outstanding credit card debt. I have done all that I could to help her pay off her credit cards (all 5 of them, which is now down to 2). She loves to shop. She wants me to buy her $100 sunglasses, purses, clothes, gifts out of the yin-yang which I absolutely can't afford. She shops... shops... shops...

Our 1 year aniversary is comming up and we were talking about going to Hawaii, but now she wants me to pay for the plane tickets, the hotels and a rental car, if we get one. We had more than enough money to go on the trip, but I told her the credit card debt is more important, so all the money we saved up went to pay them off.

I hate to disapoint her, but rent is comming up and I can't pay for most of everything all the time. When we moved in, we didn't have a fridge in our room and she would have absolutely died if we didn't get one. I finally fuss up and buy a cheap fridge (cheap, yeah right) so we can atleast have perishable items.

On top of everything, she wants to go back to school, which would mean I would be the single financial responsible person, stuck with my side job and not being able to go to school myself.

All of it is waaaay too much to bear.

My 65 GTO sits outside waiting to be restored. If it was up to me, I would live out of that car and save my money for, maybe a house? Then I could actually have a garage to fix it up in.

Living with her is becomming somewhat of a nightmare. I am starting to go into debt trying to pay for everything. I feel as though I spoil my girlfriend a little too much. If I listed how many things I have bought it would be a mile long.

Any stories or advice you hotrodders could offer? I am really feeling the stress here. *sigh*

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Old 07-20-2006, 04:17 PM
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I had a GF like that once
Met her after my crappy divorce
After about a year, we had to split
I spent the next year attempting to pay off debts
That was 87-88
in 89 moved to NoCal, and completely hated the PLASTIC people that I met.
(I am in no way implying that all Californians are that way--I was born in the Los Angeles Area)
I became so bitter that I did not even try to date until after I moved to Utah in 94--That lasted a year .
By then I was completely ruined for any domestic compatability at all.

in the year 2000----met my better half---- on the internet yet----She was a Florida resident----and she moved to Utah

2001--We both move to Tx---probably not 10 harsh words in anger between us since we met.---I think I will keep her---She loves me and I have no idea why she does.

I'm not saying--"dump the girl"--just that if you wish this relationship to continue--some lines need to be drawn--yesterday!!!

If she cannot live within your means (collectively) it would be in both of your best interests to move on--before it gets bitter ugly--like I did.

You cannot go on giving all-and leaving nothing for yourself.

Was she a "daddy's girl"?

Bryan
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Old 07-20-2006, 04:19 PM
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Dude you need to have a heart to heart talk with her. If she is the girl for you she will work with what you have to offer. But if she is just bleeding you dry, well I say get rid of her.( I know much easier said than done) But don't let her take you down with her. Money is a big battle between the sexes.... But you are right we all try to do things for our girl in return for ..... Well you know what for .... But you can only go so far before you start thinking badly of her.
Good luck with her.

Steve
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Old 07-20-2006, 04:23 PM
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speed of sound

i hear the crack of the whip there dude
get out while you can your still young dont
get tied down now
live life
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Old 07-20-2006, 04:23 PM
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Credit Cards

You are right about paying off the cards. Did you cut them up yet? If not, do so. And don't go to Hawaii until they are paid off and you have the money to go. If sh can't deal with cutting plastic, she is there for the things and not what matters.

If you decide to let her keep you in major debt, do you want to sell the car?

Just kidding. Good luck. Try to get things figured out before going any farther. Love makes people make bad decisions sometimes.

Ken
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Old 07-20-2006, 04:23 PM
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IMO, I would have had her sign a "loan" for the credit card debt that you paid off. If she ups and leaves you would have been able to get your money back.
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Old 07-20-2006, 04:35 PM
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You are 19 years old - do you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman? If the answer is yes than the two of you have to have a talk and make some decisions. At the present rate you will be broke and the conflicts that arise will end you relationship and you will have nothing left but bad memories. Now is the time to make those decisions not after it is all over.
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Old 07-20-2006, 04:44 PM
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Man, went down that road you can't do that stuff. She never going to stop spending if you let her. If it was me she would be gone. Its real hard to change someone that thinks they can spend money they don't have. My wifes like that and its a fight all the time over money if she can't control her self or get a better job to pay for the thing she wants you got to tell her your not going to do it anymore. Don't let her drag you down there are better lady out there Dude.

Craig
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Old 07-20-2006, 05:45 PM
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19 are you, well there you are 19 with all these adult problems. When I was 19 I was in the Navy growing up . You might want to think about a different course of life cause you ARE TOAST! this broad is no different then most. Most men will not tell you this cause most men are RULED and controlled by their lovely women. Get some leather in your soul and then try the relationship thing when you have a better clue. You are just young , really get on your own and learn more about life.; Right now you are being taken advantage of............. words and talk are only words and talk . ever heard the term action speaks louder then words? Talk , promises and pledges are just hot air with words attached and you can not pay the rent with any of the three....................... good luck to you. I do not kid myself and think you will consider what I have posted, but just remember there a two type of people in this world, sheepeople and the independent. Do not follow the crowd they are no where and actually think they are. Think for yourself , 1/2 of the population is FM so there are plenty of choices and defiantly more then one out here that would be a proper fit for you life..... later

A Happy Man
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Old 07-20-2006, 06:08 PM
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Eek, that's a scary situation you're in.. Dealing with money issues just sucks and don't want to have to go through what you're going through right now I agree with what everyone else is saying here, lines need to be drawn immediately before you're sent packing out of the house and wind up living on the streets next to some guy named Mikey because you couldn't pay off everything Leaving her is an option, it just depends if she truly loves you or loves your money, think about it.
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Old 07-20-2006, 06:52 PM
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My girlfriend was never a "Daddy's Girl". Infact she never had a father. Yeah, she's that girl.

I guess it really is a matter of being taken advantage of. We get in disputes every week about ridiculous stuff. Every argument ends up being my problem that I have to deal with when I am not the one yelling about it. I just feel like it's getting pushed way too close to the edge and our comfortable living conditions will be yanked out from underneath us and both of us will be broke and homeless.

She brings home the stress from work every single day, which in turn stresses the already stressful. I just feel like not listening anymore. Most of my life I have been good at keeping other peoples drama away until now. I feel obligated to actually listen.

Anyone have tips to relieve stress?


Edits:

Brian, I agree some lines need to be drawn... big time!

Steve, your right. She does need to be able to work with me, but she turns money issues into "who actually has a job" argument.

Ken, I agree about the trip. And there's not a snowflakes chance in hell the car is going. If anything, I will sell my girlfriend before the car.

home brew, that is some very wise advice. I would want to stay with her, but it comes to a point where the ball is in her court and she has to make the same decision.

Craig, I don't feel like she is intending to drag me down. It's a little more about self control she lacks. I never had good clothes, thus why I don't spend much money on them now.

Pepi, yes women are in control. I really don't know how I got here. It's like I woke up and was disapointed in my own decision making.

Classix Lover, I might be like Mikey, except I wont be living in a cardboard box.

Last edited by 65GTO455; 07-20-2006 at 07:04 PM.
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Old 07-20-2006, 07:18 PM
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stress relief..... I drink beer. sometimes scotch....
tequila works good too, and i never met a woman who didn't appreciate some good tequila.....

but it's a fine line between taking the edge off, and tying one on. your ol'lady will not appreciate the latter, neither will you in the morning.

unless you succeed in running her off and can be happy with that.


women.... can't live with 'em.... can't kill 'em....

another gem....

if it's got teats or tires, it's gonna cost you money.....
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Old 07-20-2006, 08:02 PM
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Fact of the matter of if you look at the national statistics the majority of divorce revolves around money issues, sounds like she has issue issues, plus money issues and expects everything on a platter. Sounds to me like you need to cut her off, make her earn her keep, if she wants nice stuff, Great honey get a better job, you wanna go to school? fill out the financial aid forms and get a better job, you turn your problems into my problems? Go to a therapist and get a better job. you see the pattern? That said there are plenty of fish in the sea, My wife hates shopping, doesnt like diamonds, and digs cars, is hot and can carry on an intellegent conversation...yes they are out there.... we dont fight about money....why? I've got my money and she has her money, we pay the bills, put a good portion of our $ into savings and investments and the rest is ours. We also dont have any debt, the cars are all paid off and we have no credit card debt, only the 2 house notes (the rental pays for our home morgage) If your fighting with this type of frequency now about the issues you are now, it only gets magnified with the ring on the finger....I'd try to work it out but if it doesnt work out dont be afraid to run.....run like the wind....
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Old 07-20-2006, 08:05 PM
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She does need to be able to work with me, but she turns money issues into "who actually has a job" argument

If her "having a job" is an argument point for her, then she is not living in the same world as the rest of us. You are paying 75% of the financial load? That makes her job a 25% argument factor. If she persists in throwing her employment status at you, save the recipts and deposit statements for one month. Then when the argument arises again, I'm sure it sounds somthing like this:
You: " Honey, we can't buy that, we need to pay utilities and rent"
Her: " well, I need it"
You: " I'll save a couple bucks next month, and we'll get it then"
Her: " I don't want to wait, it won't be here next month!"
You: "well, I don't want to have no power, gas or water, or live on the street next month because we got evicted FOR NOT PAYING THE RENT AND BILLS!!"
Her: " J**US CH**ST! I'm the one with a job, and I CAN"T BUY SQUAT!! WHEN YOU GET A G*DDAMN JOB, THEN YOU CAN SAY WHAT WE SPEND ON!!"

,in a general sense.

Whip out the Ebay deposit statements, and the bank account history. Then she will have to see in black and white that, while she has a "real job", your "unemployed" *** is the real financial force in your lives. If the "job" argument persists after that, she is a little out of touch with reality, and either needs to seek financial and mental counciling, ar be booted out the door befor she not only ruins you financially, but emotionally as well.
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Old 07-20-2006, 08:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cabowabo
i hear the crack of the whip there dude
get out while you can your still young dont
get tied down now
live life
F-YES!

Couldn't have said it better myself!

I'm 44 you - you are living the some of the BEST years of your life right now! (they're all good really - just some are better than others )

Don't get strapped down financially or emotionally - you are too young!

Dump the * go back to school get a degree, learn a trade - just find something you enjoy and go for it - life is too short and you haven't even had a chance at it yet!

I'm sure your parents, friends, and relatives have been telling you the same thing - all those people (and all of us ) aren't wrong!

Last edited by Jon; 07-21-2006 at 11:35 AM. Reason: Profanity. Please see guidelines at: http://www.hotrodders.com/help/board/guidelines.html
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