Found these, kind cute and mostly true
# You spend more time in your garage than with your wife/family
# You've sat on your garage floor making engine sounds with a plate in your hand as steering wheel and a fork as shifter.
# You're wildest dreams are about that perfect hot rod with that perfect engine and color.
# If you're talking about your "babe" it's always gonna be your car.
# You get stressed out and nervous if the newest edition of some hotrodder magazine didn't arrive in the mail yet.
# you own any car that gets 6miles to the gallon or worse
# have any auto parts store on speed dial
# your garage will not fit a car because of tools and parts
# You take out the kidīs Sesame street DVD and make him watch awesome street cars with you at dinner.(He loves them)
# The beginning intro to the Van Halen song "Hot for Teacher", sounds to you just like a hot cammed V8.
# The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull onto the rollers.
# Your 'significant other' is afraid to drive your car.
# You are afraid to drive your car.
# You spend more on tires than on food.
# You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.
# You look in a state police car and see a picture of your car taped to the dash.
# You have to go to the track to buy gas.
# Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you.
# You get pulled over for doing 155 in a 35 but the cops will let you go if "they can look under the hood."
# You remove the $2000 stereo system to save 6 lb. of weight.
# You get an anonymous phone call asking if you are interested in being in the Cannonball Run.
# Your face looks like you are riding a NASA centrifuge when you drive the car.
# You need parachute braking.
# Your 'Significant other' won't even ride in the car.
# There is no possible way to "sneak out" of your neighborhood at 6 am.
# Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage door is opened. (Pets, and all the neighbors...)
# Fuel is delivered to your home: in 55 gallon drums!
# You carry earplugs in your car.(doesn't everybody???)
# You find out that side mirrors don't hold up at speeds exceeding 145 mph
# Your exhaust pipes are larger in diameter than your driveline.
# Your fuel pump flows enough to water a golf course.
# Your compression's high enough you could run diesel fuel.
# You measure the fuel you use in "gallons per mile".
# You don't even bother to try and get that grime from under your fingernails anymore....
# You have dates of every rod run marked on the new calender but none of your family's birthdays
# You plan your vacation around car show season!
# The sound of a V8 running open headers gives your loins a tingle.
# Your wife asks to be buried next to the garage so you will come and visit her when she's gone.
# You can drown out that annoying ricer's radio at the red light, by kicking in your carb's high idle cam.
# You know what a high idle cam is.
# You take your dates on romantic walks in the junk yard.
# Your car has so much polish that flying insects skid off the paint when they try to land.