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Old 05-02-2005, 06:16 PM
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what's your favorite joke??

was having a good day today and thaught i'd share a joke w/eveybody & also vise-versa

A guy went in the pet store & asked the store clerk if he had a talking parrot
the guy said the only talking parrot i have is right here (on the counter) but he's not for sale.
the guy say's i'll give you $500 cash right now
so the store clerk said ok, but there something you should know 1st
the guy says what might that be?
the store clerk says he has no feet
the guy says, so how does he hold himself on the perch?
the store clerk says he wrapps his **** around the perch to hold himself up
the guy says ok i don't care i want 'em anyway

so the guy takes his parrot home & on the way home he's talking to the bird
he tells the bird, ok this is what i want you to do while i'm at work i want you to tell me what goes on at my house while i'm at work.
the bid says ok boss!
so the next morning the guy goes to work & comes home to his bird laying on the floor
he picks him up and says WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED?
the bird says 1st, the milk man came to the door
the guy says, ya ya then what happened?
the bird says well your wife invited him in
the guy says, ya ya then what?
the bird says well they startded kissing & taking there clothes off
the guy says ya ya then what??
the bird says well gee boss i don't know i got a hard-on & fell of my perch

J

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Old 05-02-2005, 07:09 PM
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and a silence falls over the crowd...


true story, and older friend of mine has a parrot that talks, I think its a Macaw. The birds got a heck of a vocabulary, and it's picked up several curse words and phrases. It enjoys saying "what the f**k" the most. His wife hates it.
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Old 05-02-2005, 07:33 PM
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How many mosquitos does it take to screw in a light bulb?



















2. But I wonder how they get in there??




In a while, Chet.
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Old 05-02-2005, 07:59 PM
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That's pretty lame, Chet........................funny, but lame.

Ever smell moth b*lls?..........................How did you get their legs apart?
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Last edited by poncho62; 05-02-2005 at 08:44 PM.
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Old 05-02-2005, 08:33 PM
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A trucker is driving along and sees a Pollack hitching and picks him up. They are cruising along and the Pollack sees a monkey back in the sleeper, so he asks "what's the monkey for?". The trucker reaches back, smacks the monkey but good, then the monkey comes up and gives the trucker a bj.

Then the trucker says "You want to try?"

The Pollack says "Sure, but you don't have to smack me that hard."
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Old 05-02-2005, 08:43 PM
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This thread is "Dump bound" ......................I am as guilty as the rest.

Maybe, a little editing is in order......
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Old 05-02-2005, 08:45 PM
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A truck driver is driving along when he sees a preacher hitchhiking and decided to pick him up. He then realizes to his dismay hes about to enter town where he always likes to hit lawyers with his truck because he hates them so much, but cant do it with the preacher in the truck with him. He figures he can go without hitting one this time and heads into town. On his way through town he sees a lawyer crossing the street and aims the truck for him but remembers the preacher and swerves so he doesn't hit the lawyer. Just then he hears a lould thump and the preacher says to him "dont worry son i got him with my door."
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Old 05-02-2005, 08:55 PM
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An old lady goes to see a plastic surgeon
about a face-lift The Dr. said "we have new kind that is adjustable. There is a knob in your hair on the back of your head that you turn as you get older to re tighten the skin on your face" the old lady agreed, that would be best for her.
About 2 years later the lady came back to the Dr's. office. When he ask what she wanted she replied that she wanted to ask him about the large bags under her eyes. He said " well those are your breasts mam." She said " well I guess that explains the beard."

All the women I've told this to loved it.. Dave
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:15 PM
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What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the Mississippi River?

A good start.



Why do birds fly upside down over Iowa?

There's nothing there worth crapping on.



What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One is a slimy bottom feeder, and the other is a fish.



Why doesn't Wisconsin fall into Lake Michigan?

Iowa sucks..



In a while, Chet.
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Old 05-03-2005, 01:17 AM
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At the dude ranch the old cowhand is taking the weekend cowboys out for a ride on the horses. At the first rest break he gets off his horse, walks to the back, lifts up the horses tail and kisses the horse right on the butt. They continue on their ride, but at every stop the old cowboy repeats this procedure. Finally they get back to the barn and one of the dudes can't stand it anymore, he asks the cowboy "Yo must really like that horse of yours, you kissed him on his butt at every break".
"Naw, says the cowboy, I really don't like that horse at all. You see, my lips are chapped and that kiss keeps me from licking them."
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Old 05-03-2005, 04:31 PM
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whats the differenc between a lawer & a prostitute

the prostitute will stop screwing you when you die
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Old 05-03-2005, 05:15 PM
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A man is driving in the back roads of hillbilly country. Suddenly his car starts making an incredible racket and then quits. He pulls over the side of the road, pops the hood and has a look. Just then a hillbilly in a rusty beat up truck comes swirving up the road and stops by the man.

The hillbilly rolls down the window and asks the man what's the matter.

"Piston Broke", says the man

"Me too!" says the hillbilly. "Come on in!"

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Old 05-04-2005, 11:02 PM
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Little Johnny comes home from school one day and says, "Hey dad, got my first BJ today!"

His father quickly says, "Shhhhhh, your mother's in the kitchen and she might have heard you!"

Then he thinks about what his son has said, and starts feeling pretty proud. Waiting until he's sure Mother hasn't heard anything, he leans closer to little Johnny and asks, "So, son, how was it?"

"It was great," Little Johnny replies, "Until he came, and then it tasted awful!"

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Old 05-05-2005, 06:07 PM
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i thought you were leavin.
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Old 05-05-2005, 06:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bullheimer
i thought you were leavin.
no you talked me into stayin. besides you guys would miss me too much
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