Wife's rearend problem

62PTCruiser · #1 (**permalink**) 10-07-2002, 03:58 PM

I swear my wife's rearend was smaller when I first got it. Is swelling common?

Spoonie

**Deuce** · #2 (**permalink**) 10-07-2002, 04:36 PM

I don't know about the swelling.

Looks the same as the last time LOL

62PTCruiser · #3 (**permalink**) 10-07-2002, 04:36 PM

you're lucky.

**Deuce** · #4 (**permalink**) 10-07-2002, 05:13 PM

I was talking about your wife.......

62PTCruiser · #5 (**permalink**) 10-07-2002, 05:17 PM

Yea. So was I.

**Deuce** · #6 (**permalink**) 10-08-2002, 02:17 PM

You have to remember that you saw it a good number of years before I did.

It MIGHT have already SWOLLEN before the 1st time I saw it.

**4 Jaw Chuck** · #7 (**permalink**) 10-08-2002, 05:30 PM

The female rear axle is well known to have swelling tendencies, avoid these common errors and prevent any further swelling from occuring.

DO NOT IMPREGNATE! Much like a torque converter, over loading the female will cause a semi permanent swelling that is directly proportional to the number of children birthed divided by the number of workout hours done by the female per day. Coefficients larger than one equals permanent swelling now or in the future.
DO NOT PURCHASE EXERCISE EQUIPMENT! Any attempt to hint at swelling reductions through the use of exercise equipment leads to a reverse or ballooning effect. This is thought to be be due to a revenge component in the female psyche.
READ YOUR LABELS CAREFULLY! Beware those innocent little vegetable crackers that are used by many females to convince others they are on a diet. These crackers are almost pure hydrogenated palm oil and are very high in octane. Excessive abuse of them will lead to uncontrolled rear axle growth and the "weeble" syndrome.

Most important to remember is that you must appear ignorant of these factors or there can be a rebound effect if your knowledge of the swelling is public knowledge.

Be careful out there.

62PTCruiser · #8 (**permalink**) 10-09-2002, 07:00 AM

I see.
I didn't overload the torque converter ,yet, but I guess the Tea Bo tapes for her birthday were a bad idea. Damnit.
She won't let me get back there to work on it either.
Thanks for the info.

Spoon

**4 Jaw Chuck** · #9 (**permalink**) 10-09-2002, 11:01 AM

They can be hard to work on, I know the method that has worked for me in the past has been using 2 litres of very sweet red wine or one litre lemon Gin to lubricate the assembly before you touch the mechanicals. This is very important as the soak time can vary from model to model. Generally 2-3 hours is the time of peak effectiveness and your repair attempts should occur during this time. Usually an hour of tinkering and adjusting tension will be sufficient to have a lasting effect as long as it is done every second day...minimum. Ensure the tinkering phase is of full duration otherwise unsightly swelling is accelerated and may discourage your repairs and the will to perform them. There seems to a big link between axle size and lubrication causing premature swelling. Always ensure adequete lubrication is present at all times to avoid this pitfall.

Also consider the effect that playing AC-DC's song "Big Bottoms" full blast during the repair phase is not the best idea either, Ravells Bolero or Liona Boyd playing guitar will enable better compliance. If not then more soak the assembly with more liquor/lubricant. Either one, it does not matter. Many older married men prefer the alcohol method as it is more reliable and easily done at night during peak exhaustion.

Mum's the word.

WoodsEdge · #10 (**permalink**) 10-09-2002, 11:10 AM

To properly address this problem, we need to see some pictures!!
Jack

62PTCruiser · #11 (**permalink**) 10-09-2002, 12:28 PM

I'd take pictures, but my digital camera doesn't have the pan-o-ramic view option.

62PTCruiser · #12 (**permalink**) 10-09-2002, 12:51 PM

I got the wine tip. Good idea. So, when do I get to mess with the third member?

Madd Syntst · #13 (**permalink**) 10-09-2002, 01:08 PM

I am well versed in this area. Be careful how you approach it. NEVER and I mean NEVER do this!
"Honey, do these shorts make me look big?"

No, it's that ***** you shoe horned down in'm"

My first wifes family, everyone had a flatbed licence. She didn't have a belt line, it was more like an equator. A thong made her look like a tub of cottage cheese with a rubber band stretched across it. Naked, When she crossed her legs, I thought she had Buckwheat in a headlock. She took diet pills with chocolate milk. When she broke wind, it sounded like someone applauding when those cheeks got going.

I need a drink!

62PTCruiser · #14 (**permalink**) 10-09-2002, 04:07 PM

O MY LORD. I haven't laughed like that in a long time.
Thanks MS!

Madd Syntst · #15 (**permalink**) 10-10-2002, 08:50 AM

It's the truth, but you didn't hear it from me!

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