Hot Rod Forum banner
1 - 20 of 31 Posts

· Moderator
1,642 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)

I would like to announce my canidacy for the President of the United States of America. I will be running on the following platform. Please write me in and let's take our country back!



In an effort to effectively return the world's manufacturing base back to the U.S., I will institute taxing tarriffs on American based companies that outsource jobs to foreign nations. These cheap, products will no longer line the pockets of the unpatriotic corporate fat cats, who flood our shelves with inferior quality products, while feeding off of the corpses of impoverished people abroad.

Furthermore, I promise sweeping changes to be made with the country's labor infrastructure, beginning with the abolishment of the OSHA bureaucracy. Basic labor rights and laws will remain on the books, but the taxing red tape of OHSA and it's profit consuming, endless regulation are now null and void.

I propose sweeping changes in the nation's insurance requirements. No longer will huge insurance companies dictate to our poor people that they have to purchase insurance for every facet of life. We may even return to the days of not even requiring insurance policies to drive a vehicle. Why? well--

I also propose that civil cash awards in law suits will be limited to a small amount (like ten bucks), and the lawyer's portion would be limited to ten percent of that. Drunk drivers will just be shot to keep things from getting out of hand. Otherwise, if you get ran over on the road, you should have taken the train. That will fix that mess.

I propose returning quality to American products. Black and Decker will be heavily fined for putting out drills that last 2 weeks. I want things made like my 60 year old Black and Decker valve grinder, 300 lbs and will last a lifetime. Sure it costs more, but no need to buy another one---ever. This policy will put some foundation into our country.

Welfare as we know it will change. I will merge FEMA and welfare recipients. Now, when a natural disaster occurs, instead of relying on insurance companies to hose the general public, Fema rolls into action by bussing it's recipients to Florida to rebuild the mess. These people will rove accross the nation, making minimum wage until such time they realize they would be better off working for Black and Decker.

Farm subsidies are now null and void, as we will impement a huge push to raise our own fuels. There will be no CRP payments, and no land will be idle. We will no longer process our corn into Cap'n Crunch. I propose a huge refining infrastructure to process the new fuels, and encouraging the development of devastatingly efficient small diesel engines that burn any type of garbage, vegetable oil and matter. This will alleviate our need for foreign oil completely, and this leads to another facet of my new policy.


Due to our now independence from fossil fuels, the mid-east will return to it's goat herding days. The Israeli-Arab issue will diminish because the arabs will now be looking for jobs, and we all know how adept the jews are at creating them.


I propose the largest build up of Nuclear proliferation in the history of the U.S. This includes the Neutron bomb and all sorts of new Armageddon type gadgets pointed directly at our enemies, with a map (like a game of Risk) televised to them daily.

Testing will take place in the Saudi and Iraqi deserts, so all would-be nuke toting terrorists might take heed to the continuation of their respective races.


I propose that fifty percent of the lawyer population be sent to China. This will stop any notion of them becoming a "SuperPower"

The medical and drug industry will be heavily regulated. Set prices for drugs, and services. This is a noble profession, if you want to get rich, get into the TV evangelist business. No more huge malpractice law suits. If you die, you die, it was your time, get over it. Doctors will be required to see patients.and patients will be able to afford to pay.

Bobby Knight will become the permanent coach of the men's Olympic basketball team. Need I say more?

I am Nairb, and I approved this message

Oh, one other thing, manufacturing small block chevy hot rod parts in China is now a capital offense (decapitation will be the prescribed method),

· Moderator
1,642 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thank You for Your Support

I will now be naming my cabinet.

Vice President: Ghetto Jet

Secretary of State: Beenaway2long

Secretary of Defense: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Secretary of Labor: Trees

Attorney General: Johnnie Cochran

Dept of HRED, (Hot Rod Engine Development)---4 Jaw Chuck

Secretary of Agriculture: Crash Farmer

Secretary of AMC: HemiGremmie

Ambassador to all nations: Jon

Departmen of Homeland Defense: Charleton Hesston

Mayor of Washington D.C: O.J. Simpson

NTSB: Coldknock

The rest are up for grabs, as well as all positions in the house and the senate.

We'll draw straws for the Supreme Court Justice positions.

· Moderator
2,859 Posts
Can you do something about the dumarses that drive on the roads of our country? Perhaps make driving in the fast lane at speeds 10 mph under the limit punishable by prison terms?
Politicians that don't keep their word. This will keep you honest as well, if elected.
Hilary Clinton. Nuff said.
Illegal immigrants.
English as the official language, speak it or leave. (see above)
If I think of anything else that irritates me, I'll let you know. You've got my vote. :thumbup: Dan (pizza is here)

1,527 Posts
Dinger, During my tenure as the director of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration,

I will introduce regulations imposing the most extreme penalties for driving slow in the fast lane.

I will work with the Dept. of Transportation to require liscensees to be fluent in the English language before any issuance of a drivers liscense.

I will have rubbernecker, cellphone user and general idiot detectors developed and installed on every major thoroughfare. Penalties for infractions will be stiff.

Thank you.

1 - 20 of 31 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.