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Tips from the Redneck Book of Manners (the Piedmont Bible)

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. Its considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

*** DINING OUT ***

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

Full text: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/msg00569.html
 

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NYOFP4RJ3CHRIS
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5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

You forgot to add (even if she is kinfolk....) :D
 

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4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
That had to've been written by some dumb Yankee. When she gets back with the gas, you just drive to get the beer and it's still cold. Any good woman worth her keep already knows this.

They's sev'r'l o' them tips that's just as silly. Like that thing about identifying before shooting; if they ain't up to no good, they'll identify themselves before you get a bead on them. If they don't hollar before you can take aim, it's safe to figure they ain't from rounchere, or at least, ain't nobody you know, so take the shot. They might be after that fine '35 fender out there in the yard, somewheres.

Another thing: Dogs don't eat *at* the table; they eat *under* it. Not only are they handy napkins, but it's the only polite way to dispose of a new cook's mistakes when she ain't looking. A good host will always provide that 'out' for guests.
 
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