[machine shop tom]

Face it. Everybody farts. GW. The Pope. Barry Bonds. My wife.

But everybody pretends they and everybody else DOESN'T (don't?) fart!

Kids, however, have no problem admitting that they or the person next to them farted. Heck, they even will claim the fact loudly. They will even make farty noises with their armpits. Geniuses, those kids!

But I'll admit farts make ME giggle. The SBDs in a store. Hee Hee. A toot at the movie. Snicker. A "frap" in church. Snort-hoot!

So come on everybody! Let'er rip and enjoy it!

tom

 

[1meancuda]

Yeah, and while we are at it, shouldn't we switch the meanings of hemroid and asteroid around???

 

[RCastle]

I want to bottle a fart and give it to someone for Christmas.

 

[machine shop tom]

I want to bottle a fart and give it to someone for Christmas.

I will refuse all packages from Kentucky!

:drunk:

tom

 

[4 Jaw Chick]

My four-year old twins used to always fart and then blame each other, but now my son thinks it's funny so he admits it now and giggles every done he does it, which is a lot! I think the kid needs a prescription for Beano! His sister, on the other hand NEVER admits her farts and hopes that someone else takes responsibility. And then, as if the two of them aren't bad enough their 7-year old brother taught them how to blow farts on each other's tummies and with their armpits. What a crew! Of course I never fart! [cough, cough].

Chickie.

 

[1meancuda]

My four-year old twins used to always fart and then blame each other, but now my son thinks it's funny so he admits it now and giggles every done he does it, which is a lot! I think the kid needs a prescription for Beano! His sister, on the other hand NEVER admits her farts and hopes that someone else takes responsibility. And then, as if the two of them aren't bad enough their 7-year old brother taught them how to blow farts on each other's tummies and with their armpits. What a crew! Of course I never fart! [cough, cough].

Chickie.

And I'm sure this was all learned from their father wasn't it???

 

[RCastle]

Ever played TURTLE with your significant other??? Blast one off in bed and yank the blanket over their heads,hold them there as long as possible. Most important rule,be capable of running fast.

 

[4 Jaw Chick]

As a matter of fact, they DID learn this from their father....and no I've never played Turtle, but it sounds like I'll need to do some heavy track training before I try it.

Chickie

 

[[email protected]]

Sean Hannity (or was it Laura Ingraham?) had stewardesses on the radio program lamenting their plight of having to deal with flatulent passengers. Then one called in telling how the stewardesses themselves handle the problem when they get the urge. Instead of polluting their little docking station, they let it go as they walk down the isles and call it "crop dusting"!

 

[trees]

True story and names will be omitted to protect the guilty. Long, so stay with it. A Bud from years ago had a blind date, which included the match makers, and they were dining at an exclusive place. The blind date was just too good to be true and he really liked the gal and was trying to put his best foot forward when he just could not hold off the urge any longer. He rocked up on one cheek (away from her, of course) and ripped a record, big wind breaking fart. She turned to him and asked "Did you hurt yourself?" and he was hooked. They later married and lived happily until he just broke the straw that had them tied. They were laying in bed just before lights out when he let a big silent one that he knew was going to be extremely odorous. He quickly slipped out of bed, ripped off a loud one and slid back in again. Out of self defense, the wife ducked under the cover in what she thought was a good defense. " And that, Judge, is why I want a divorce on the grounds of cruel and unusual punishment!". He still insists that is why she divorced him and I believe it!!!

Trees

 

[packratwrecker]

Fart Football

An old man and his wife went to bed one night. Several minutes later, he farts. "Seven points", he says.
"What was all that about? "says the wife.
"It's called fart football, honey"
She farts, "7-7, tie game."
She farts again, "14-7, my lead."
He grunts, and lets one out, "14-14, tie game."
She lets out a little squeaker, "Field goal, 17-14."
He grunts and strains, and unexpectedly soils the bed.
"What the heck was that?" she asked.

"Half time, change sides."

 

[dinger]

Why do farts smell?















So deaf people can also enjoy them.

 

[fourbyfourblazer]

You know a fart is bad when you can't stand your own. Wheew.. gotta stay away from the tacos at the food truck.

 

[RCastle]

Great fart story.I was doing an HM183 on a single barrel tank one day.You climb down into a 16" manway in the top,work thru 4 or 5 baffles at 16" also to get to the nose.Took the new guy in with me to show him how to do the thickness test.Let go of one in there on him,Poor kid hit his head on two of the baffles getting out. Try farting in a fully encapsulated suit,not fun.

 

[[email protected]]

We had a pastor couple once, had to be in their late 60s, who claimed they had never passed gas in the presence of their spouse and had never even been seem by the other without combed hair!!

Why do farts smell?

The scientific answer is hydrogen sulfide (H2S). That is the classic 'rotten egg' smell. The gas is real common in the oil field and is extremely deadly. It can be smelled at concentrations from less than 1ppm up to about 10ppm. It can kill at concentrations of over 100ppm which isn't very much. One breath at this concentration causes instant unconsciousness and death a few minutes later due to respiratory paralysis. The really nasty property of the gas is that at concentrations over about 10ppm, the sense of smell is suppressed so you don't even know you are in trouble before you pass out. There are many stories of an oilfield worker going down due to H2S and his co-workers rushing in to rescue him only to be overcome themselves and the all die.

So be gratefully when you can smell a fart. It's the smell-less ones that can kill!!

 

[fat50]

Ever played TURTLE with your significant other??? Blast one off in bed and yank the blanket over their heads,hold them there as long as possible. Most important rule,be capable of running fast.

Up here, we call it a "dutch oven".

 

[Beenaway2long]

In the immortal words of George Carlin

"Kids think farts are funny, farts are (4 letter word for excrement) without the mess".

The REAL question:
Do you look at the paper after you wipe?



Scroll down




































If you answered yes, good thing. If you answered NO!, then how do you know if your done?



:spank:

 

[crazy larry]

why are turds tapered on the end?






































to keep your butthole from slamming shut.

 

[bowtiebabe72]

This thread went right down the toilet

(pun intended) Get it? Toilet? Poop?....*crickets*....

 

[Beenaway2long]

crappy pun, there girly !:mwink: